Traumatic Experiences
by RayvnAshes2
Summary: As the Golden Trio are interviewed by a reporter for Witch Weekly magazine, Hermione is asked what her boggart was the last time she encountered one. She said that she thought it rather traumatic at the time, and Harry ponders about what trauma really is. Rated T for cussing Mentions of neglect, killing in self-defense, and forced self-mutilation by Umbridge. Post-war. One-shot.


**Disclaimer: I do not, of course, own the Harry Potter franchise. Be grateful for that.**

**Warning: Yes, this is chalk-full of angst. Mentions of abuse and self-harm (though forced by Umbitch, so I'm not sure if it counts).**

* * *

"What does your boggart turn into, Miss Granger?" Elissa Joanheart, interviewer for Witch Weekly, asked, quill poised above her notes.

"I haven't come across one in recent years." Hermione answered, turning a bit red. "But in DADA, third year, it turned into Headmistress Minerva McGonagall, who taught Transfiguration at the time, handing me a failed exam, telling me how disappointed she was. It seemed traumatic at the time."

Harry tuned the two females out, not wanting to hear another word. He glanced at Ron, who had fallen asleep in his chair. It was only a matter of time before the snores came. He glanced back at Hermione and the reporter bitterly.

Trauma?

Failing a test is not traumatic.

Harry couldn't help but resent Hermione a little, though he knew that her worst fear now would be much worse.

* * *

_Trauma is when your parents are murdered in front of you when you're a baby, helpless to do anything about it. Trauma is when, years later, the screams of your mother in her final moments, begging for you to be spared and struck down without a second glance, still resonate in your ears. Trauma is when the people you're sent to be raised by lock a nyctophobic little boy in a cupboard for days on end because of something he has no control over. Trauma is when, after a lifetime of hearing lies about your alcoholic parents, you discover that the parents you resented for abandoning were murdered trying to protect you. Trauma is learning that they were targeted by that son of a bitch megalomaniac mass murderer with a yearning for genocide because of one reason: you._

_Trauma is not feeling safe in what's supposedly the most guarded place in the Wizarding world. Trauma is trying to safeguard something so that the aforementioned mass murderer doesn't come back and ruin another helpless child's life. Trauma is being forced to kill a man in self-defense at the age of eleven. Trauma is being accused of trying to kill students like your mother had been, and what's worse, being led to wonder if you really were the cause. Trauma is being forced to kill/destroy/vanquish the mass murderer yet again, in order to save someone you know of, but don't really know personally._

_Trauma is finding out that your parents' friend, your godfather, betrayed your parents and was the very reason they were dead. Trauma is finding out the truth and discovering the real traitor, only for him to escape justice. Trauma is being unwillingly entered in a competition where people have died in the past. Trauma is knowing that someone deliberately entered you into the competition to have you killed, only for no one to do anything to help you (besides the one guilty in the first place). Trauma is getting through a labyrinth, seeing your competition being used like a puppet, to later find out that that too was because of you. Trauma is to be whisked away to a graveyard and see your classmate-your friend-killed right in front of you. Trauma is to realize that he, 'the spare', was only there because you asked him to take the cup with you. Trauma is to have your blood used to give the bastard murderer a body of his very own. Trauma is not being able to stop any of it._

_Trauma is being persecuted for telling the truth not only by your government but by people who don't even know you. Trauma is being forced into self-mutilation by a toad-witch for not backing down. Trauma is being connected mentally with the bastard murderer as he goes about his crimes and psychotic rages. Trauma is indirectly causing your last remaining family's death because you couldn't block him out. Trauma is being told that you have no choice: you either kill a living being or die. Trauma is having public opinion of you suddenly do a complete 180° and realizing that almost your entire society is comprised of mindless sheep, and no matter what you do or don't do, that won't change._

_Trauma is watching one of your best friends nearly die, only barely able to save him due to something that your most hated professor said back in first year that you managed to remember in time. Trauma is watching the man you see as a grandfather being tortured by his own mind with nothing you can do to help. Trauma is being the one to force these visions on him. Trauma is seeing him then killed by someone you've unknowingly been heeding the advice of for months._

_Trauma is knowing that a person you respected died trying to get you somewhere safe. Trauma is knowing that your first friend and most trusted companion was blown out of the air taking a killing curse for you. Trauma is wondering, waiting for the news that yet another person you care about is dead because of you. Trauma is having another trusted friend die in the process of helping you escape. Trauma is finding out that the man you've hated for a year and severely disliked for longer, who you thought had murdered your grandfather figure, was in love with your mother, after seeing him killed brutally. Trauma is realizing that in order to fulfill a dratted prophecy, you must walk towards your death. Trauma is making the choice to do it._

Trauma is wishing, screaming, hoping that this was all a dream, or better yet, that you had never been born. Trauma is realizing that it's a futile hope.

* * *

**Reviews are appreciated.**

** I get that there's not much of a story of my own here, since it's basically a recap of everything shitty that Harry went through (though I'm aware I skipped a few things). I'm not experienced with trauma at all, personally, so don't take that last line too seriously. The worse I've had is**** my parents ranting about each other and expect me to agree with everything they say, both before and after their otherwise anticlimactic divorce. **I don't know if I'm incredibly lucky or incredibly boring because of that. Both, I guess.


End file.
